Ending Notes – thanks, credits and thoughts

200,000 plus words, people. 200,000 words and more than a year of my life. I think that’s worthy enough to warrant some egocentric end notes :)

First of all, as always, feedback is loved and adored and cheerfully answered. LJ comments, reviews, or email are all happily accepted :) And if you have any questions, if something wasn’t resolved well enough for you, don’t be afraid to ask. I probably have the answer but just couldn’t manage to fit it into the story.

Now; thanks. Right as Rain, you beta’d for me through 30 some chapters, and I can’t thank you enough for that. You really helped me and supported me throughout, and you were always pretty much in agreement about what I was uncomfortable with and what was good. That helped me to grow a lot more confidence in what I was doing. Debxena, you came in in the eleventh hour and helped me through the last several chapters, and I couldn’t have done it without you to catch my errors and ask the tough questions about what was going on. Thank you. I feel like I’ve become a better writer because of both of you.

And, just as importantly, thank you to all the readers who’ve supported me throughout. Imation23, David Goodman, Kate, Ludditerobot, Faith and Wesley Rocks, Carolyne Rosseau; thank you guys all so much. Your constant comments and enjoyment and even questions about the story have made it so worth while for me to write it. I appreciate it more than you know. There were a lot of times I felt like I was letting you all down by taking so damned long to finish writing a chapter, but you all hung in there and kept supporting me, and I can’t thank you all enough for it.

Lastly, thank you to The Cure, Mesh, DiVision, Garbage, Morrisey, Lifehouse, Rob Zombie and all the other bands who made the music that helped set the mood for me to write this story throughout.

There are also a couple of people I have to credit. The moment towards the end, when Spike brings up the idea of Angel singing Copa Cabana, was totally inspired by a bit of dialogue from wisteria’s wonderful “Blueprints” fic. I don’t want to ruin the joke, so I won’t go into detail, but suffice to say I laughed so hard at what she wrote and loved it so much that I felt a need to incorporate it. I give her full credit for the idea.

Also, the inspiration for the Winnowin—and this probably comes as no surprise to Stephen King readers—stems from his novel (co-written with Peter Straub) called “The Talisman”. I needed an object powerful enough to pose a real threat, and the idea of the Talisman that they created really worked for what I wanted to do. I put my own spin on it, but it was their idea that inspired me.

Now. About the story itself. Skip this part if you like; it’s mostly about my thought processes and decisions, but I figure some of you might be curious.

When I started out writing this story, I was determined to do something that no one else was doing. I wanted to do something different. I love all the good Spuffy fic and such out there, but I wanted to be different. I wanted to do an epic. An action/adventure/comedy/drama that followed the hero’s journey with one of the candidates that deserved it most, and Faith, whom I’ve always loved for her troubled, tormented I-want-to-be-a-hero-but-I-always-manage-to-fuck-it-up pain, was perfect.

I had the basic plot planned out from the very beginning, from the very first chapter I wrote. I knew that Faith would end up in Sunnydale with Angel and this strange Watcher woman who would slowly become important to her life in ways she didn’t understand. I knew that Beatrice would end up being a villain, and I wrote her with that in mind from the very beginning. Angel’s comment in Chapter 3 about her not being human that turned out to be a joke? A little tongue in cheek that I really enjoyed playing up to. I also knew that I was going to bring Buffy back, and do it completely wrong and that it would be the Scoobies’ fault from the very beginning. The dream scenes were all very deliberately written to foreshadow that. By the fifth chapter, I had written down a basic outline of how things would play out to the point of Buffy’s return being discovered, and the Council putting an ultimatum to Faith to kill Buffy. Some of my ideas changed a little throughout, depending on what made sense in relation to the story progression, but mostly stayed true to what I envisioned.

There were, however, some things I didn’t count on. Faith and Angel spelled into sleeping together so that Angel would leave? Yeah, I planned on that. But what I didn’t foresee were the logical character conclusions I’d have to come to in order to reach that point and make it believable.

I had every intention of NOT writing a romance. I was determined not to do that. Not because I don’t enjoy romance—I SO do, I’m such a sap—but because that seemed to be the focus of almost every story I’d read centered in the Buffy universe, and I, once again, wanted to be different. So imagine my dismay and surprise as Angel and Faith began to fall for each other. My even greater dismay as I resigned myself to the romance, only to find that she and Spike were determined to get it on with the amazing chemistry and bizarre kindred spirit understanding between them. I couldn’t make them stop, and for a long while, I was torn about which way to go with that, because the two of them together, their scenes… I have to tell you. They were so natural, easily the quickest scenes I wrote, and I rarely had to reread or re-write or re-think any dialogue or actions between them. And not because they were simple scenes—but because I just knew, intrinsically understood the love/hate, the bond between them. And I was incredibly annoyed that having resigned myself to one romance path, I was now having to consider another. The characters totally took that all into their own hands and ran with it, while I watched with amazement and dismay the words typed by my own hands. But romance turned out to be an important part of the plot, as much between Faith and Spike as Faith and Angel, or even Buffy and Spike or Anya and Xander. And in the end, I ended up loving every single bit of it.

After a while, I figured out that Faith and Spike may be kindred spirits and perfect to write together, but I still believed she and Angel had a lot they could learn from each other, because they are similar in the ways that truly matter. I gave final acknowledgement to the attraction and kindred spirit shared between Spike and Faith, because that will always be there, but by about halfway through the second book, I knew she was going to end up with Angel. It seemed right.

Willow. Willow let me know early on that she was going to have a big part in the plot, from the moment she magic-ed Tara. At that point I began to figure out how she was going to fit, because I knew, that just like the real 6^th season, she was going to end up being the major villain in the end. I didn’t plan that at the outset, but once it happened, it seemed right. I felt she and Faith’s storylines complemented each other nicely. I thought a bit about having a final piece with her and Tara, or possibly Giles, to go over what she had learned from it all, but in the end I felt her lesson was obvious in her decision not to take the path of power and her admittance of and sorrow over what she had done afterward. So I left it at that.

Buffy and Spike. I did not want to have them together. When Spike walked into that cavern and saw Buffy with the Master and Daeonira, I fully intended for him to turn and walk away and go back to the Scoobies to get help. And then my fingers typed him saying “Sod that”, and I realized it would be completely out of character to have Spike walk away from her then. And then I had to scramble to figure out how to work that angle. The prophecy of good and evil necessary to come together to retrieve the Winnowin was made up on the spur of the moment as a reason to have him stay and not get killed out right by the Big Bads, because Buffy was not going to walk away from her path. I’d planned on the Winnowin, but not on how exactly, or when, or where it would be gotten. And once I had them together, I realized that it was right in keeping with the Season 6 themes. Buffy using and then betraying Spike played perfectly to that. Not to mention that I wanted the chance to make his life exceedingly hard and funny. His scenes afterward were some of the most fun for me to write, especially with the homeless woman and Cordelia.

Tenth and Fox… Truth? I wanted to introduce some original characters and ended up short on words at the end of the chapter they were introduced in, so I added them. Not without figuring out who they were and vague reasons they were there, mind you, but it was sort of a frivolous thing. Original characters always come with some nervousness. You have to think about the Mary-Sue factor, and the fact that most readers of fanfic aren’t going to care about original characters as much as the characters from the show. But they ended up being very pivotal to the plot in minor ways that would have been difficult to do without them. I was very pleased. They were a lot of fun to write, and I may use them again someday.

I’m still amazed at the way I kept throwing in random things I didn’t plan on and still managed to tie them all together.

The ending… that was the hardest. How to get it just right? My original scene between Faith and Angel had her belligerent and lost and somewhat desperate, sort of passively letting Angel choose her despite how terrible she felt about herself. And then I realized, after the desert scenes between her and Buffy, after what she went through fighting Daeonira, it just wasn’t going to work. She’d come into her own at that point, and it needed to be a decision that she consciously made, to be with Angel, not just passively giving in because she cared. I re-wrote and added to that scene more than a dozen times. It started out incredibly gooey and sappy. Pretty, sweet, but too overdone. I wrote it originally to be placed before they went out to rescue Buffy, then realized it was too soon for that, because it was the big revelation moment, and I wasn’t done squeezing the angst out of the story. So I decided to use it for the end. And then it didn’t work. Once I got Faith’s voice in that scene more certain, more distinct, everything else fell into place and I realized the rest of the ending I’d already written was almost perfect. I thought the party at the end might be a little cheesy, but I felt it (and the slight comedy of it all) was necessary to tie up all loose ends. The goodbyes and thanks had to be said, or else, what was the point? I also originally had Faith being rather reluctant and reserved during her final scenes with the Scoobies, and then realized that at this point, it wouldn’t be that way. She’d come too far. So I had to re-write those, as well. Her and Buffy’s scene was also a nightmare of writing and re-writing to get out what had to be said and leave things “okay”. Spike and Faith’s ending scene? The easiest one I wrote, again.

Angel keeping his soul was a hard choice. I wanted it, because I wanted him to be able to make a real choice about what he wanted, and I wanted Faith to have a real chance with him without all the melodramatic bullshit. Their relationship has complications without adding the star-crossed B/A twist, and I wanted it to be different for them. Still, it seemed a bit… dues ex machina. Almost like cheating. I wrote really hard to make it not seem that way, and in the end it really worked, I think. Like he said to Willow, it doesn’t change anything for him. He’ll still do what he’s doing, still be a hero.

I decided a long time ago that this story was going to have a fairly happy ending. Not fairy tale happy, but as happy a one as you can hope for in the Buffy-verse. No way was I going to let it end angsty or unhappily after all I’d written and everything everyone had been through. This may surprise people who’ve read my other stuff, but I’d invested so much personally that I needed a happy ending.

Have I thought about a sequel? Only about 20 chapters ago. I’d love to do a story someday with Faith and Buffy trying to work together, given their relationship at the end of this story. Would love to explore Faith’s adventures with the Angel team. I don’t know if it will ever happen. Sad as I am to say goodbye to this story, it feels finished. Probably because I need a break J But still, it feels final enough to satisfy me. For now.

I have a lot favorite scenes. The scene between Faith and Spike in the sewers when she falls apart in Chapter 7 of Book 2 stands out as one. Another was the beginning of Chapter 11 of Book 2, when Faith and the Scoobies are patrolling. And of course, Chapter 5, where Faith and Spike get drunk and snark and try desperately to ignore the undercurrent of undeniable sexual tension. But really, I love all the moments. It may not be the best fic ever written, but it accomplished what I set out to do, and I’m very happy with it. I hope you’ve all enjoyed it as much as I have. It’s been one hell of a ride, and I thank you all for coming along with me. I’m going to miss it.

2003.11.24

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